Monday, June 28, 2010

♪♫ Tuneful Tuesday ♪♫

This weeks song was chosen because of an arguement that my husband and I have had.
There is no tiptoeing around this subject and its a hard one. Depression and suicide.
I have never ever been "clinically" diagnosed with depression. I know I suffer from it ,sometimes worse then others. Chris gets upset when I am in a depressed state but I tell him I can not help it, I constantly remind myself I am loved, I am needed and I am important to my loved ones when I am in my despair. Sometimes it helps , sometimes it doesn't. That being said we were watching a show and the subject came up and he got mad.
He had a rough time growing up. Not many friends, not the social norm. He said he knows what it's like to be lonely and sad. I am the opposite I have always had a lot of friends and was never a loner. However,he has an uncanny ability to look on the bright side of life. His view is that it's the ultimate selfish thing to do. That it does not warrant forgiveness of the people left behind in the aftermath. They have every right to be mad.
I tried to explain to him that in the mind of a depressed suicidal person they feel like everyone and everything would be better off without them. They feel useless because they do not feel capable of doing normal everyday things. (Even dishes somedays for me can be a chore when I am in that mind frame.) That the significant other can find love again, that someone else would do a better job raising their kids, that people would in time forget them because in their eyes they are forgettable. I tell him I know, I have been there .I have dealt with the feelings for over 20 years now. I am not suicidal anymore , but as a teen when your life is all drama the thought occured to me.
I am glad I survived that time without hurting myself. It was hard. Very hard at times. It does get better though. Life with all it pitfalls is worth living. I am here to tell you if you struggle it's ok to tell people. It's ok to get help. you aren't going to get hauled of to a looney bin I promise. If you know someone who seems to just be going through the motions TALK to them let them know you are there for them , take the time to spend time with them. It can be that one small act that keeps someone from doing something horrible leaving people asking why.

I relate to this song and I want anyone who thinks the world would be better off without them to take it to heart. Look at the survivors ,listen to them. This is how your loved ones would feel. And please seek help!

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